Despite not writing on this blog since last September, I have just found out that my mum has still been checking every week, just to see if there are any updates on her gorgeous granddaughter on this little blog of no importance! (Which is now 2 gorgeous granddaughters plus another granddaughter, courtesy of my brother and his wife)
In fact, I hadn't even told her that I had started writing it again. I only found out that she still read it when she sent me a text saying 'Great to read your blog again Lou. Really enjoyed it'.
Please Note: We do have other means of communication as we do talk each week on the phone and see each other regularly too! My poor mum has not been denied information since last September!!
Such a show of dedication means that that this officially makes my mum the best Mum and Nanny in the world!!!
PS: Mum - there is another post on the way but it is taking a while to write in between the constant feeding, nappy changes, getting Anna some tea, rare occasions of sleep etc
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Friday, 9 March 2012
So... Have You Been Up to Much?
As this blog has featured no events in our life since last September, you would be forgiven for thinking that nothing very exciting has occurred, hence no posts.
If you don't count being hospitalised twice, having a baby (which involved giving birth to a 10lb baby who was back-to-back, whilst I was on a drip to speed up induction so contractions hit me like running at full speed into a brick wall, going from 3cm dilated to 10cm in a matter of minutes with no pain relief and no stitches), Anna turning 5 years old and becoming a big sister and adjusting to life with two gorgeous daughters(double the children but so much more than double the work!), I suppose I haven't been up to a great deal!
I realise that I should have blogged about the whole pregnancy lark as some type of memento to the 9 months that I endured but being in denial about it and just trying to fool everyone into thinking that I had eaten too many cakes (easy to do when you are me!) meant that blogging was the last thing I felt like doing. In fact, for the entire duration of the 9 months, I only once referred to myself as being 'pregnant' as I refused to say the word. Even when I was forced to discuss it with people, I referred to myself as being in a 'condition'. Doctors and midwives found it intriguing and just shook their head at me in a bemused way!
In 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. I was only 6 weeks so I know women go through a lot worse than me with a miscarriage but it was a truly dreadful time. Nobody was told except parents and one group of close friends as I couldn't keep making stupid excuses as to why we couldn't meet up that week). I thought I had got over it and resolved it in my own head by saying 'It was only 6 weeks, only a size of a sesame seed etc'. However, after giving myself what I thought was plenty of time and then finding myself pregnant again (I can say the word now!,)I refused to allow myself believe that this was actually happening to me for fear of it happening again. I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up and then so cruelly have them taken away so I even told myself that my ever expanding tummy was eating too much chocolate and cake. At each scan, I told myself that the monitor was just showing somebody else's growing baby and not mine. We told nobody (apart from my mum and dad but that was only because they took Anna on holiday and we tagged along. I was so convinced that something awful would happen on holiday that I 'warned' them that I might be having to go to hospital whilst in Cornwall if a miscarriage happened again) and only announced the news to close family and friends at 20 weeks.
Soon after 20 weeks, the mum's in the playground started to look me up and down suspiciously but they did not say anything in case I really had lost the plot and had just started eating 20 cream cakes a day (which is not beyond belief with me)! When I finally did decide to announce it, I told three friends (Yes, I can actually call some of the playground mum's a friend now. Wonders will never cease!) and then positioned ourselves right next to the renowned 'gossip' of the playground (I secretly nickname her 'gobby') and, as predicted, by the time I picked Anna up that afternoon, everyone was congratulating me. One mum actually let out a huge sigh of relief when she got told and said 'Oh, I am so relieved. I have kept wanting to congratulate you and felt guilty for not doing it but then kept worrying that you had hit a mid-life crisis and just started eating too much chocolate'.
Even when my bump was of epic proportions and wildlife experts were making plans to return the 'beached whale' of Tattenhall back to the sea, I still would not allow myself to believe. No clothes for baby number 2 were bought until 37 weeks, no nursery equipment had been assembled, no baby books had been read. It was the complete opposite of Anna, where the nursery was all ready for her arrival by 30 weeks, she had a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes and every baby book on the planet had been read in anticipation!
Due to the complete denial, the last thing I felt like doing was writing a blog, let alone do essential stuff like buying nappies. My worst fear would have been to write all about it and then have to turn round and announce it was all over. In fact, my whole life was put on hold. My aim each day was to get Anna to school and back and spend daytimes on my own doing anything but think about pregnancy (it mainly consisted of playing tetris on my phone and planning an extravagant 5th birthday party. Details to follow in a separate blog post!!!)
Thankfully, all went well, excluding the 3 unexplained bleeds during the 9 months, the severe food poisoning which lead to being hospitalised due to severe dehydration, the 'show' at 36 weeks and the medication for high blood pressure. However, none of that matters because baby number 2 is here and, as I write this, is cooing as Anna talks at her about football club!
I plan to start a new blog soon, with tales of life with two daughters including the arrival of Anna's little sister, but this blog deserves a good send off so I want to write about Anna's 5th birthday which I hope will round it all off nicely. It is time to move on!
If you don't count being hospitalised twice, having a baby (which involved giving birth to a 10lb baby who was back-to-back, whilst I was on a drip to speed up induction so contractions hit me like running at full speed into a brick wall, going from 3cm dilated to 10cm in a matter of minutes with no pain relief and no stitches), Anna turning 5 years old and becoming a big sister and adjusting to life with two gorgeous daughters(double the children but so much more than double the work!), I suppose I haven't been up to a great deal!
I realise that I should have blogged about the whole pregnancy lark as some type of memento to the 9 months that I endured but being in denial about it and just trying to fool everyone into thinking that I had eaten too many cakes (easy to do when you are me!) meant that blogging was the last thing I felt like doing. In fact, for the entire duration of the 9 months, I only once referred to myself as being 'pregnant' as I refused to say the word. Even when I was forced to discuss it with people, I referred to myself as being in a 'condition'. Doctors and midwives found it intriguing and just shook their head at me in a bemused way!
In 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. I was only 6 weeks so I know women go through a lot worse than me with a miscarriage but it was a truly dreadful time. Nobody was told except parents and one group of close friends as I couldn't keep making stupid excuses as to why we couldn't meet up that week). I thought I had got over it and resolved it in my own head by saying 'It was only 6 weeks, only a size of a sesame seed etc'. However, after giving myself what I thought was plenty of time and then finding myself pregnant again (I can say the word now!,)I refused to allow myself believe that this was actually happening to me for fear of it happening again. I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up and then so cruelly have them taken away so I even told myself that my ever expanding tummy was eating too much chocolate and cake. At each scan, I told myself that the monitor was just showing somebody else's growing baby and not mine. We told nobody (apart from my mum and dad but that was only because they took Anna on holiday and we tagged along. I was so convinced that something awful would happen on holiday that I 'warned' them that I might be having to go to hospital whilst in Cornwall if a miscarriage happened again) and only announced the news to close family and friends at 20 weeks.
Soon after 20 weeks, the mum's in the playground started to look me up and down suspiciously but they did not say anything in case I really had lost the plot and had just started eating 20 cream cakes a day (which is not beyond belief with me)! When I finally did decide to announce it, I told three friends (Yes, I can actually call some of the playground mum's a friend now. Wonders will never cease!) and then positioned ourselves right next to the renowned 'gossip' of the playground (I secretly nickname her 'gobby') and, as predicted, by the time I picked Anna up that afternoon, everyone was congratulating me. One mum actually let out a huge sigh of relief when she got told and said 'Oh, I am so relieved. I have kept wanting to congratulate you and felt guilty for not doing it but then kept worrying that you had hit a mid-life crisis and just started eating too much chocolate'.
Even when my bump was of epic proportions and wildlife experts were making plans to return the 'beached whale' of Tattenhall back to the sea, I still would not allow myself to believe. No clothes for baby number 2 were bought until 37 weeks, no nursery equipment had been assembled, no baby books had been read. It was the complete opposite of Anna, where the nursery was all ready for her arrival by 30 weeks, she had a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes and every baby book on the planet had been read in anticipation!
Due to the complete denial, the last thing I felt like doing was writing a blog, let alone do essential stuff like buying nappies. My worst fear would have been to write all about it and then have to turn round and announce it was all over. In fact, my whole life was put on hold. My aim each day was to get Anna to school and back and spend daytimes on my own doing anything but think about pregnancy (it mainly consisted of playing tetris on my phone and planning an extravagant 5th birthday party. Details to follow in a separate blog post!!!)
Thankfully, all went well, excluding the 3 unexplained bleeds during the 9 months, the severe food poisoning which lead to being hospitalised due to severe dehydration, the 'show' at 36 weeks and the medication for high blood pressure. However, none of that matters because baby number 2 is here and, as I write this, is cooing as Anna talks at her about football club!
I plan to start a new blog soon, with tales of life with two daughters including the arrival of Anna's little sister, but this blog deserves a good send off so I want to write about Anna's 5th birthday which I hope will round it all off nicely. It is time to move on!
Friday, 18 November 2011
Happy Birthday Anna!
(This was written after Anna's birthday as I was in hospital :-( but it is wriiten with the very special date of the 18th November in mind, hence why it has the date of her actual birthday)
My darling daughter is 5.
I'm not sure why but 5 seems like one of the milestone ages. I suppose it is because, by the age of 5, they are in school and suddenly she seems to be a young lady and you can start to imagine them as they get older, even through to the teenage years! She has already announced that she likes Olly Murs, thinks Katy Perry is wonderful (worrying!!) and has asked for the One Direction album. Can I just add that that Anna's taste in music is not all bad as she also likes Queen, Van Morrison and T-Rex and can name several Beatles songs although she is not so keen on the 4 from Liverpool.
Anna is full of contradictions. She loves her Disney Princess dolls but also adores going to football club every Saturday and getting muddy! She thinks Ballet is rubbish as it just about dancing around with feathers and doing too much 'fluffy stuff' (Those classes at 9am on a Saturday morning were a waste of a lie-in then!) but loves dressing up in pretty pink dresses and 'princess shoes'. She thinks Rhino's are the best animal ever and cannot see the attraction in cute puppies and furry kittens one little bit although one of her favourite current toys is 'Littlest Pet Shop'. Playing 'Mummies and Babies' is not Anna's idea of fun but give her a garden to play 'tag' or tell her that we are playing 'pirates' and she is there!
Anna's teacher has already remarked on several occasions how Anna is one of the most strong-willed, determined and eccentric 5 year old she has ever met. Once she has made up her mind about something, there is no changing her and she can be incredibly stubborn. If she was a pupil in my class and I was her teacher, she would drive me crazy! However, along with that mix, she is also one of the most kind, sensitive, considerate and caring 5 year old you are also likely to meet which I think makes for a very special little lady. Anna knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it but always looks out for everyone, treats everyone the same and with the same kindness and adores her friends and family so very much.
We adore you too Anna Gibson, for everything you are!
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
First Day at School
It is fair to say that Anna was a little reluctant to get out of bed on her first day at School. Having to be literally dragged out of bed was not the greatest start. Grumbling as I put her dress on also wasn't a good sign and then bursting out crying and telling me that her shoes hurt did not bode well. (Her shoes didn't hurt at all. Wearing sandals ALL summer meant that it just felt a little strange!).
The obligatory photo then had to be taken, which Anna was refusing to do, until I showed her photos of her friends on Facebook whose mum's had proudly displayed them (Thanks Sophie and Sally). Once she saw Freja and Rhianna in uniform, she cheered up. I think it also dawned on her that his was not only the end of her summer but everybody else too so it wasn't so bad.
Whilst walking to school, we met up with some older children who were heading back to school. They asked whether Anna was 'new' so I explained it was her first day. They were lovely and introduced themselves and what class they were in etc. Anna proudly looked at me said 'These are the big children and I am one of the big children now'! The brother and sister then started to discuss the tedious nature of homework which Anna tried to join by just repeating everything they said, even though she had no idea what they were talking about!
The only sign of nervousness was when we entered the playground. It seems that 75% of the school wait in the same small patch of playground so it was rather crowded and Anna just took my hand!
Finally, the door opened and each of us took our turn to enter the classroom. Miss Hughes, the teacher, gave everyone a very cheery 'Hello' as Anna looked up at her and said 'I'm at Big School now' with an equally cheery smile on her face. As soon as she saw her classroom, she let out a 'WOW! Look at all the toys Mummy'. Her coat peg was found quickly and cubey was safely put in her drawer. Anna then, predictably, headed straight for the writing table while glancing at the book in the reading corner on the way past.
After a minute, she looked up and said 'Are you going to sit and write with me Mummy?'. I knew that if I sat down, both Anna and I would find it much more harder emotionally to get up and leave so I gently replied 'mummy has to go in little while'. I didn't mean that exact moment but Anna had decided, if I wasn't there to stay, there was no point in prolonging the 'Goodbye'. She just looked at me matter-of-fact and said 'I think you should go now then Mummy'. At that point, the tears flowed so I gave her a kiss, wished her a lovely day and walked away. Anna didn't even look up from her picture!
Outside, most of the mum's were holding it together... just. I cried and didn't care! Luckily, Lucy's mum took pity and said 'Come on, we are going for coffee' and we went to the village coffee shop where most of the new starters mum's were also consoling themselves over a cup of coffee!
It was the longest day ever!!!!!! I kept busy but ironing and dusting doesn't exactly stretch the brain so I just kept wondering what she was doing and whether she was happy. I have never felt time go so slowly. I would look at my watch, thinking an hour had surely passed since I last looked... and it had been literally 5 minutes!
At 3.15pm, it was time to pick her up (no easing them in gradually, Full time from Day 1!!!!). I was sat outside the school at 3pm, just to make sure. I think I was even more nervous than I had been that morning. Mornings are so tied up with making lunch boxes and checking book bags that you get lost in the chaos. Now, I was on my own and time to think up awful scenarios where she had shouted at someone or refused to do something! I had visions of her coming out crying and saying she had hated every minute and 'never make me come back Mummy;.
The door opened and 26 parents all held their breath. Then, one by one, the children came out. A few were smiling but the majority just looked exhausted and shell-shocked!!! I feared the worse! Then, Anna came out... with a huge beaming smile on her face. 'I've had a great day Mummy. Miss Hughes is absolutely lovely. I played shops. Quick Mummy, the playground' She then threw me her book bag and ran off to join the others on the new playground equipment (which is huge and better than any park or playground that I have ever been in!).
In anticipation of a bad day (Me, a pessimist, never!!!), we had arranged to meet with her 3 best friends for tea. Normally, she can't wait to see them and I have 'Can we go and meet them yet' for about 4 hrs until we actually do get to see them. Today, I could not get her off the wobbly bridge. 'I'm playing with the big children' she said. She did look extremely small compared to all the year 5's who were surrounding her. The playground had never looked so big as I stood there with my little girl in the centre of it all. It seemed a vey scary place for a 4 year old (or even a 31 year old parent) but Anna was having a good time.
Eventually I managed to drag her home where the plan was to get changed, open the cards that she had been sent (from lovely people who had sent her 'Good Luck' and 'First Day at School' cards) and the massive gift box that the postman had delivered, adreessed to Anna, before then heading out to meet her friends. The cards were opened and the gift box unwrapped (to reveal the most gorgeous balloon ever (butterflies) with a Good Luck message from Grandad Flob, Grandma Lynn and Uncle Henry'). I then thought we could go but No. Anna then had to tell Daddy about how lovely Miss Hughes was and how great the playground was before running around the house for a good 15 mins, so excited!!! Where was the exhausted girl that I was expecting??
We eventually did manage to meet up with our friends where Anna still couldn't contain her excitmement and jumped up and down, telling them all about her day!
At bedtime, I still felt a little apprehensive, thinking there might be tears when reflecting on her day. I tentatively said 'School again tomorrow Anna' (having a horrible feeling that Anna thought it was a one-off event. She snuggled down in her quilt and said 'Yes. School tomorrow. PE too!' and went to sleep with a smile on her face!
I am finding it considerably more difficult (hence why I am writing this rather than doing the ironing, therapy!!) and the second day does not seem to be going much faster than the first. I definitely need to find something to occupy me. I am working on it!
I still anticiapte that the novelty will wear off and there may be tears in the coming days or weeks, especially when exhaustion starts to set in (with no transition and going full-time straight away, Anna will be completely tired out for the next few weeks).
So, as I write this, Anna is on her second day and walked to school this morning, singing 'I'm going to big school'! Let's hope she is as happy this afternon.
(Photo to follow shortly!)
The obligatory photo then had to be taken, which Anna was refusing to do, until I showed her photos of her friends on Facebook whose mum's had proudly displayed them (Thanks Sophie and Sally). Once she saw Freja and Rhianna in uniform, she cheered up. I think it also dawned on her that his was not only the end of her summer but everybody else too so it wasn't so bad.
Whilst walking to school, we met up with some older children who were heading back to school. They asked whether Anna was 'new' so I explained it was her first day. They were lovely and introduced themselves and what class they were in etc. Anna proudly looked at me said 'These are the big children and I am one of the big children now'! The brother and sister then started to discuss the tedious nature of homework which Anna tried to join by just repeating everything they said, even though she had no idea what they were talking about!
The only sign of nervousness was when we entered the playground. It seems that 75% of the school wait in the same small patch of playground so it was rather crowded and Anna just took my hand!
Finally, the door opened and each of us took our turn to enter the classroom. Miss Hughes, the teacher, gave everyone a very cheery 'Hello' as Anna looked up at her and said 'I'm at Big School now' with an equally cheery smile on her face. As soon as she saw her classroom, she let out a 'WOW! Look at all the toys Mummy'. Her coat peg was found quickly and cubey was safely put in her drawer. Anna then, predictably, headed straight for the writing table while glancing at the book in the reading corner on the way past.
After a minute, she looked up and said 'Are you going to sit and write with me Mummy?'. I knew that if I sat down, both Anna and I would find it much more harder emotionally to get up and leave so I gently replied 'mummy has to go in little while'. I didn't mean that exact moment but Anna had decided, if I wasn't there to stay, there was no point in prolonging the 'Goodbye'. She just looked at me matter-of-fact and said 'I think you should go now then Mummy'. At that point, the tears flowed so I gave her a kiss, wished her a lovely day and walked away. Anna didn't even look up from her picture!
Outside, most of the mum's were holding it together... just. I cried and didn't care! Luckily, Lucy's mum took pity and said 'Come on, we are going for coffee' and we went to the village coffee shop where most of the new starters mum's were also consoling themselves over a cup of coffee!
It was the longest day ever!!!!!! I kept busy but ironing and dusting doesn't exactly stretch the brain so I just kept wondering what she was doing and whether she was happy. I have never felt time go so slowly. I would look at my watch, thinking an hour had surely passed since I last looked... and it had been literally 5 minutes!
At 3.15pm, it was time to pick her up (no easing them in gradually, Full time from Day 1!!!!). I was sat outside the school at 3pm, just to make sure. I think I was even more nervous than I had been that morning. Mornings are so tied up with making lunch boxes and checking book bags that you get lost in the chaos. Now, I was on my own and time to think up awful scenarios where she had shouted at someone or refused to do something! I had visions of her coming out crying and saying she had hated every minute and 'never make me come back Mummy;.
The door opened and 26 parents all held their breath. Then, one by one, the children came out. A few were smiling but the majority just looked exhausted and shell-shocked!!! I feared the worse! Then, Anna came out... with a huge beaming smile on her face. 'I've had a great day Mummy. Miss Hughes is absolutely lovely. I played shops. Quick Mummy, the playground' She then threw me her book bag and ran off to join the others on the new playground equipment (which is huge and better than any park or playground that I have ever been in!).
In anticipation of a bad day (Me, a pessimist, never!!!), we had arranged to meet with her 3 best friends for tea. Normally, she can't wait to see them and I have 'Can we go and meet them yet' for about 4 hrs until we actually do get to see them. Today, I could not get her off the wobbly bridge. 'I'm playing with the big children' she said. She did look extremely small compared to all the year 5's who were surrounding her. The playground had never looked so big as I stood there with my little girl in the centre of it all. It seemed a vey scary place for a 4 year old (or even a 31 year old parent) but Anna was having a good time.
Eventually I managed to drag her home where the plan was to get changed, open the cards that she had been sent (from lovely people who had sent her 'Good Luck' and 'First Day at School' cards) and the massive gift box that the postman had delivered, adreessed to Anna, before then heading out to meet her friends. The cards were opened and the gift box unwrapped (to reveal the most gorgeous balloon ever (butterflies) with a Good Luck message from Grandad Flob, Grandma Lynn and Uncle Henry'). I then thought we could go but No. Anna then had to tell Daddy about how lovely Miss Hughes was and how great the playground was before running around the house for a good 15 mins, so excited!!! Where was the exhausted girl that I was expecting??
We eventually did manage to meet up with our friends where Anna still couldn't contain her excitmement and jumped up and down, telling them all about her day!
At bedtime, I still felt a little apprehensive, thinking there might be tears when reflecting on her day. I tentatively said 'School again tomorrow Anna' (having a horrible feeling that Anna thought it was a one-off event. She snuggled down in her quilt and said 'Yes. School tomorrow. PE too!' and went to sleep with a smile on her face!
I am finding it considerably more difficult (hence why I am writing this rather than doing the ironing, therapy!!) and the second day does not seem to be going much faster than the first. I definitely need to find something to occupy me. I am working on it!
I still anticiapte that the novelty will wear off and there may be tears in the coming days or weeks, especially when exhaustion starts to set in (with no transition and going full-time straight away, Anna will be completely tired out for the next few weeks).
So, as I write this, Anna is on her second day and walked to school this morning, singing 'I'm going to big school'! Let's hope she is as happy this afternon.
(Photo to follow shortly!)
Monday, 5 September 2011
The Night Before the Big Day
I can't sleep :-(
Anna is sleeping soundly and, hopefully, dreaming of wonderful things (see earlier post) but I am sat here, tears streaming down my face and feeling rather emotionally worn out.
Tomorrow is the big day where Anna starts school and I am feeling sick with nerves. I am feeling far worse than when I was a new pupil or even a teacher starting school (and believe me, I was stressed then!).
It seems all I have done today is cry. Of course, I have hid whilst the tears flow so that Anna wouldn't see me but, at one point, I had no choice to present myself as I was hiding in the bathroom and Anna couldn't hold on any longer! She took one look at me, turned on her heel and went in the opposite direction. Only to appear 5 seconds later, holding a tissue and saying 'Don't worry Mummy'. Thankfully, she didn't ask me what I was crying for. I think she just assumes that Mummy is a 'bit weird' sometimes.
I was actually OK until lunch time. We were making lunch like normal and I gave Anna a yogurt pouch which she has always had trouble opening. She asked me to help and it suddenly occurred to me that opening yogurt or other such items isn't going to be done by me from tomorrow onwards. I said 'Anna, if you need any help tomorrow, opening things or doing things up, remember to ask for help. Someone will always be there to help you'. Anna just nodded and promised she would ask! It sounds such a simple thing I'm sure but it just feels so wrong that, for 6 hours a day, I am not going to be there to help. What if she is too scared to ask? What if she goes hungry because I'm not there to help? What if she needs me and I'm not there?
Don't even get me started on the whole playground thing. The school playground is huge and I have these awful visions of Anna just standing there not knowing where to go or who to play with as all these older, bigger children are running around and nobody is noticing her.
I know! I shouldn't have been so protective of her for the last 5 years. I should have made her more independent and tough. However, she is and always be my baby and I have always felt like I should be there. I am sure that this is my problem and I should have let go a little more but it hashappened and I have loved every second of these past 4 and a half years.
4 and a half years! That is nothing! Why can't I have a bit longer without having to say Goodbye to my baby for 5 consecutive days, 6 and a half hours at a time!
I know Anna is ready for school acadmeically and I know it is a passage in life we must all face. Anna probably is ready but I am pretty certtain her Mummy isn't!!!
I think I can say that Anna loves life at the moment. What if school changes that and she hates getting up every morning. What if we have tears before bedtime evry night??? No parent wants to see thier baby upset.
So, somehow and God knows how, I am going to have to put on my best brave and excited face tomorrow morning, walk my baby to school and say Goodbye for the day. I have no idea how I am going to do that as simply thinking about it is making me drown the keyboard in snot and tears but I will find a way. I will try to be brave and then come home to cry for a while!
(Apologies for the soppiness of this post! To all you non-parents, working parents or even just sensible rational parents, I probably sound pathetic!)
Anna is sleeping soundly and, hopefully, dreaming of wonderful things (see earlier post) but I am sat here, tears streaming down my face and feeling rather emotionally worn out.
Tomorrow is the big day where Anna starts school and I am feeling sick with nerves. I am feeling far worse than when I was a new pupil or even a teacher starting school (and believe me, I was stressed then!).
It seems all I have done today is cry. Of course, I have hid whilst the tears flow so that Anna wouldn't see me but, at one point, I had no choice to present myself as I was hiding in the bathroom and Anna couldn't hold on any longer! She took one look at me, turned on her heel and went in the opposite direction. Only to appear 5 seconds later, holding a tissue and saying 'Don't worry Mummy'. Thankfully, she didn't ask me what I was crying for. I think she just assumes that Mummy is a 'bit weird' sometimes.
I was actually OK until lunch time. We were making lunch like normal and I gave Anna a yogurt pouch which she has always had trouble opening. She asked me to help and it suddenly occurred to me that opening yogurt or other such items isn't going to be done by me from tomorrow onwards. I said 'Anna, if you need any help tomorrow, opening things or doing things up, remember to ask for help. Someone will always be there to help you'. Anna just nodded and promised she would ask! It sounds such a simple thing I'm sure but it just feels so wrong that, for 6 hours a day, I am not going to be there to help. What if she is too scared to ask? What if she goes hungry because I'm not there to help? What if she needs me and I'm not there?
Don't even get me started on the whole playground thing. The school playground is huge and I have these awful visions of Anna just standing there not knowing where to go or who to play with as all these older, bigger children are running around and nobody is noticing her.
I know! I shouldn't have been so protective of her for the last 5 years. I should have made her more independent and tough. However, she is and always be my baby and I have always felt like I should be there. I am sure that this is my problem and I should have let go a little more but it hashappened and I have loved every second of these past 4 and a half years.
4 and a half years! That is nothing! Why can't I have a bit longer without having to say Goodbye to my baby for 5 consecutive days, 6 and a half hours at a time!
I know Anna is ready for school acadmeically and I know it is a passage in life we must all face. Anna probably is ready but I am pretty certtain her Mummy isn't!!!
I think I can say that Anna loves life at the moment. What if school changes that and she hates getting up every morning. What if we have tears before bedtime evry night??? No parent wants to see thier baby upset.
So, somehow and God knows how, I am going to have to put on my best brave and excited face tomorrow morning, walk my baby to school and say Goodbye for the day. I have no idea how I am going to do that as simply thinking about it is making me drown the keyboard in snot and tears but I will find a way. I will try to be brave and then come home to cry for a while!
(Apologies for the soppiness of this post! To all you non-parents, working parents or even just sensible rational parents, I probably sound pathetic!)
Friday, 2 September 2011
Summer Days Drifting Away
Where has the summer gone?? No, I am not talking about the weather but merely the fact that this summer has gone far far too quickly.
At the beginning of August, grand plans were made involving craft days, days out at the beach and parks and lots of meeting up with friends and family. It felt like we had months and months of fun ahead.
I now sit here, on the second day in September writing this. Looking back, all I see is a blur of activity but without the feeling of having had any time to do it, wondering where this thing called 'time' actually disappeared to. Looking forward, I see early mornings, walking to school and my baby girl saying goodbye to me at the school gate, only to see her 6 and a half hours later (Really... that long???? Oh God!!!)
It is not as though we haven't done anything this summer either. In no particular order...
We spent a week with Nanny and Grandad where Anna made very good friends with Max the sheep who lives at Goo-goo's house (and owned by Uncle Steve). Max and Anna would 'baa' at each other continuously for, what seemed like, hours and Anna assures me that she knows every word that he was saying. I have to admit that Max is very cute as he comes running to greet Anna every time that he saw us. He is also quite naughty and likes standing on the fence and getting his head stuck in the feeder. Anna loved him even more when he was bening naughty!
Our week at Nanny and Grandad's also saw us, amongst other things, go to Cadburys World. To Anna, this was heaven when surrounded by this much chocolate. The highlight of Anna's day, and the part she was very excited about, was the fairground-style ride which would take her past different scenes, all featuring cocoa beans in different disguises. I feared the worst when we were met by a 'Cadburys Official' at the entrance to the ride, saying that it had broken down. I imagined tantrums and tears. I suddenly realised that my little girl was no longer a toddler but, in fact, a young lady, when she simply nodded her head and walked on, albeit looking a little disappointed. She made up for her disappointment by consuming more chocolate and spending money in the shop!
Anna attended the 'Hereford Truck Show' as official mascot for Mick Gwynn Transport. She even took great delight in cleaning and polishing the lorries in the week leading up to the Truck show! She also informed me that when she was grown up, she would be painting 'her lorry' purple with pink flowers. Luckily, for Grandad who has to drive the thing, her grown up days are not quite here yet! (If ever in Hereford, try to spot a red lorry with the name 'Anna' on the front of it. It is called Daisy, as christened by Anna). Anna took even more delight when Grandad and his lorries won 3 big trophies and she went up to the front of the crowd to receive her prize.
Anna has been to 3 birthday parties during the summer holidays, including her cousin Isla's. Parties are good!
We have spent days out with friends, whether in the garden or simply having play dates involving lots of cake! The only problem is that you can never have enough play dates with friends, especially when the day-to-day routine of school is lurking just around the corner.
We went to Southampton and spent a day at Peppa Pig World! Anna adored it! It was like a pink wonderland. When asked what her favourite part of it was, Anna insisted that it was 'Muddy Puddles' which saw her getting her swimming costume on and drenching herself under water fountains and sprinklers! I fear that the rides may have been little tame for her though as, after spending the entire day at Peppa Pig World, we fond just enough time to go into the rest of the theme park where Anna chose to ride the pirate ship (which made Daddy feel sick), the roller coaster which went extremely fast and the spinning teacups which made me feel dizzy, just by looking at them. I fear that our daughter is a thrill-seeker and the 'children under 8' rides are just not cutting it anymore!
We went to Cotswold Farm Park. Anna was actually not too keen to go at first, saying 'I don't like farms Mummy, they are too dirty'. Oh No, my daughter had turned into a townie!!! How did that happen? Luckily, she changed her mind once she got there and loved the tractor rides, sand pits, maze, woodland Trail with quiz and playing on the hay bales. She also loved the sheep show but only because the one sheep was really naughty and wouldn't do as he was told, making the staff get more and more anxious, much to the delight of Anna!! I would love to say that she enjoyed handling the baby ducklings, bottle-feeding the goats, stroking the piglets and milking the cow and, although I think she did enjoy it, she didn't seem too excited like the other children were. James seems to think it is because she has done all this before on Auntie Carolyne's farm so it was no big deal for Anna! I'm not so sure. I just don't think she is big fan of animals, unless they have a mischievous streak and she can suddenly identify with them!
I am sure that there are loads of other things we did this summer which I have forgotten.
But now, we are sat waiting for next week when my baby girl starts school. The uniform is hung up, name tags sewn in (thanks to Nanny) and looking rather stiff and formal, just waiting to be worn. Lunchbox has been carefully selected, feet have been measured and shoes been bought and Homework has nearly been done.
I am dreading it! Far more than I ever dreaded my first day at school (as pupil or teacher!!!) and the thought of saying Goodbye to my daughter for 6 hours per day makes my stomach do somersaults in fearful anticipation.
I am not sure how Anna is feeling. She doesn't want to talk about it but there have been days when she has asked 'is it September yet so I can go to school?'. There have also been days when she has looked tearful when I have mentioned it. I am not sure that it has really sunk in. Throughout the summer she has told me how she can't wait to tell Mrs Heath about Cadburys world or show Maisy her new shoes. Maisy and Mrs Heath both are staying at pre-school where she no longer is.
So we wait until next Tuesday when Anna's first day at school begins. I have the tissues ready although I think I will be in much greater need of them than Anna.
At the beginning of August, grand plans were made involving craft days, days out at the beach and parks and lots of meeting up with friends and family. It felt like we had months and months of fun ahead.
I now sit here, on the second day in September writing this. Looking back, all I see is a blur of activity but without the feeling of having had any time to do it, wondering where this thing called 'time' actually disappeared to. Looking forward, I see early mornings, walking to school and my baby girl saying goodbye to me at the school gate, only to see her 6 and a half hours later (Really... that long???? Oh God!!!)
It is not as though we haven't done anything this summer either. In no particular order...
We spent a week with Nanny and Grandad where Anna made very good friends with Max the sheep who lives at Goo-goo's house (and owned by Uncle Steve). Max and Anna would 'baa' at each other continuously for, what seemed like, hours and Anna assures me that she knows every word that he was saying. I have to admit that Max is very cute as he comes running to greet Anna every time that he saw us. He is also quite naughty and likes standing on the fence and getting his head stuck in the feeder. Anna loved him even more when he was bening naughty!
Our week at Nanny and Grandad's also saw us, amongst other things, go to Cadburys World. To Anna, this was heaven when surrounded by this much chocolate. The highlight of Anna's day, and the part she was very excited about, was the fairground-style ride which would take her past different scenes, all featuring cocoa beans in different disguises. I feared the worst when we were met by a 'Cadburys Official' at the entrance to the ride, saying that it had broken down. I imagined tantrums and tears. I suddenly realised that my little girl was no longer a toddler but, in fact, a young lady, when she simply nodded her head and walked on, albeit looking a little disappointed. She made up for her disappointment by consuming more chocolate and spending money in the shop!
Anna attended the 'Hereford Truck Show' as official mascot for Mick Gwynn Transport. She even took great delight in cleaning and polishing the lorries in the week leading up to the Truck show! She also informed me that when she was grown up, she would be painting 'her lorry' purple with pink flowers. Luckily, for Grandad who has to drive the thing, her grown up days are not quite here yet! (If ever in Hereford, try to spot a red lorry with the name 'Anna' on the front of it. It is called Daisy, as christened by Anna). Anna took even more delight when Grandad and his lorries won 3 big trophies and she went up to the front of the crowd to receive her prize.
Anna has been to 3 birthday parties during the summer holidays, including her cousin Isla's. Parties are good!
We have spent days out with friends, whether in the garden or simply having play dates involving lots of cake! The only problem is that you can never have enough play dates with friends, especially when the day-to-day routine of school is lurking just around the corner.
We went to Southampton and spent a day at Peppa Pig World! Anna adored it! It was like a pink wonderland. When asked what her favourite part of it was, Anna insisted that it was 'Muddy Puddles' which saw her getting her swimming costume on and drenching herself under water fountains and sprinklers! I fear that the rides may have been little tame for her though as, after spending the entire day at Peppa Pig World, we fond just enough time to go into the rest of the theme park where Anna chose to ride the pirate ship (which made Daddy feel sick), the roller coaster which went extremely fast and the spinning teacups which made me feel dizzy, just by looking at them. I fear that our daughter is a thrill-seeker and the 'children under 8' rides are just not cutting it anymore!
We went to Cotswold Farm Park. Anna was actually not too keen to go at first, saying 'I don't like farms Mummy, they are too dirty'. Oh No, my daughter had turned into a townie!!! How did that happen? Luckily, she changed her mind once she got there and loved the tractor rides, sand pits, maze, woodland Trail with quiz and playing on the hay bales. She also loved the sheep show but only because the one sheep was really naughty and wouldn't do as he was told, making the staff get more and more anxious, much to the delight of Anna!! I would love to say that she enjoyed handling the baby ducklings, bottle-feeding the goats, stroking the piglets and milking the cow and, although I think she did enjoy it, she didn't seem too excited like the other children were. James seems to think it is because she has done all this before on Auntie Carolyne's farm so it was no big deal for Anna! I'm not so sure. I just don't think she is big fan of animals, unless they have a mischievous streak and she can suddenly identify with them!
I am sure that there are loads of other things we did this summer which I have forgotten.
But now, we are sat waiting for next week when my baby girl starts school. The uniform is hung up, name tags sewn in (thanks to Nanny) and looking rather stiff and formal, just waiting to be worn. Lunchbox has been carefully selected, feet have been measured and shoes been bought and Homework has nearly been done.
I am dreading it! Far more than I ever dreaded my first day at school (as pupil or teacher!!!) and the thought of saying Goodbye to my daughter for 6 hours per day makes my stomach do somersaults in fearful anticipation.
I am not sure how Anna is feeling. She doesn't want to talk about it but there have been days when she has asked 'is it September yet so I can go to school?'. There have also been days when she has looked tearful when I have mentioned it. I am not sure that it has really sunk in. Throughout the summer she has told me how she can't wait to tell Mrs Heath about Cadburys world or show Maisy her new shoes. Maisy and Mrs Heath both are staying at pre-school where she no longer is.
So we wait until next Tuesday when Anna's first day at school begins. I have the tissues ready although I think I will be in much greater need of them than Anna.
Sweet Dreams
My dreams are becoming bizarre at the moment.
Last night, I dreamt that I was facing a class full of 30 children who wouldn't listen to a word I say and I forgot what I was meant to be teaching them. Admittedly I have this dream EVERY year at the end of August but it is a little bizarre when I haven't actually taught for the last 5 years!
Other dreams that I have had recently include...
1. Standing in a changing room with Sir Alex Ferguson, giving the team talk to the Manchester Utd team (I know very little about football and even less about Man Utd!!)
2. After reading the newspaper about two men who did some incredible running Marathon in record time, raising lots of money for charity, I then dreamt that the one man was having an affair with the other man's wife! I have never met these men or know anything about them apart from one photo seen in the local paper!
3. Dreaming that I was a piece of paper and I was in a huge pile of papers that were getting shredded one by one!
After waking from a peaceful night's sleep, Anna has been telling me all about the dream that she has been having. Latest one's include....
1. Dinosaurs on a rocket, taking a journey to space.
2. Peppa Pig meeting Mickey Mouse and going to the funfair together
3. Becoming a princess but choosing NOT to get married and just having fun instead (her words, not mine!!!!)
and my personal favourite...
4. Rhinos dancing in the rain
Oh, I wish I was 4 years old again....
Last night, I dreamt that I was facing a class full of 30 children who wouldn't listen to a word I say and I forgot what I was meant to be teaching them. Admittedly I have this dream EVERY year at the end of August but it is a little bizarre when I haven't actually taught for the last 5 years!
Other dreams that I have had recently include...
1. Standing in a changing room with Sir Alex Ferguson, giving the team talk to the Manchester Utd team (I know very little about football and even less about Man Utd!!)
2. After reading the newspaper about two men who did some incredible running Marathon in record time, raising lots of money for charity, I then dreamt that the one man was having an affair with the other man's wife! I have never met these men or know anything about them apart from one photo seen in the local paper!
3. Dreaming that I was a piece of paper and I was in a huge pile of papers that were getting shredded one by one!
After waking from a peaceful night's sleep, Anna has been telling me all about the dream that she has been having. Latest one's include....
1. Dinosaurs on a rocket, taking a journey to space.
2. Peppa Pig meeting Mickey Mouse and going to the funfair together
3. Becoming a princess but choosing NOT to get married and just having fun instead (her words, not mine!!!!)
and my personal favourite...
4. Rhinos dancing in the rain
Oh, I wish I was 4 years old again....
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