Teddy Bear's Picnic

If you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise,

If you go down to the woods today, you'd better go in disguise,
For every bear that ever there was,
has gathered there together because
Today's the day that Teddy Bears have their picnic.

To be even more specific, if you went down to the woods at Speke Hall in Liverpool this weekend, you would have been sure of a big surprise. It really did feel like every bear that ever there was, had gathered there together because this weekend was when scouse teddy bears had their picnic.

At the beginning of the day, I wasn't sure how our picnic would go, especially when it was time to go and Anna had to choose which Teddy she would like to take. Winnie the Pooh was instantly thrown across the room and then Anna had a real dilemma as she was torn between two. Was it going to be 'Snowy', a white fluffy bear who went to the pyjama party at Jo-Jingles last year or was it going to be 'bear' (that is his name... we are not very imaginative in the Gibson household sometimes) who is just very cute? At first, I thought she was opting to take Snowy as she kept poking him in the tummy rather hard but then when I started to give it to her, she would give him a look of disgust! The very same thing would then happen with 'Bear'. We were going to be here all day so I suggested to Anna that we take 'Bear' as Snowy had already had a day's outing when we went to the pyjama party. Anna didn't look pleased with my selection and refused to even look at him on the car journey on the way there. I even tried to provoke some enthusiasm as I had brought along Anna's 'Nursery Songs' CD where Track 12 happened to be 'Teddy Bear's Picnic'. I thought that it would get all 3 of us in the mood for the day ahead!! James was 'delighted' when I put it on repeat for the duration of the 20 minute journey while I insisted on singing along to it every time. Anna just continued to suck her thumb!

We eventually arrived in Liverpool and our adventure could begin. Basically, we had to follow the clues around Speke Hall estate, whilst trying to find lots of hidden bears who was also heading for the Teddy Bears picnic, and this would lead us to the 'perfect' picnic area. Unfortunately, the trail didn't start until midday and the trail would take an hour so, by the time that we had finished the trail, Anna would have been starving. Therefore, we intended to do the trail after lunch and have our picnic first. We thought we were being clever as we just followed the crowd who were all having their picnic in a meadow surrounded by trees, over-looking the river Mersey. It looked fine to us. Anna thought it was great fun to be eating outside as she could do some 'people-watching' at the same time. However, we should have guessed that it wasn't the intended spot when we had the occasional aeroplane taking off, right next door to the meadow. (Some complete and utter idiot once gave permission for Liverpool airport to be built next to a beautiful estate which includes a Grade 1 listed historical building). In fact, the aeroplanes were so close that we could have probably made a run for it and hopped onto the wing!!! However, I can't complain that it spoilt anything as only 2 planes took off in the hour that we were sat there having our picnic.

So we then set off on our trail which took us through the wood, over little streams and through fields full of flowers. It was great spotting all the bears that were heading for the Teddy Bear's picnic too such as Paddington with his marmalade sandwiches and Winnie the Pooh with his jar of honey. (There were either pictures of them or actual teddy bears.) Anna adored walking about through all these new places and then watching bemused while Mummy and Daddy got very excited about finding a famous bear!

Eventually, after a beautiful walk, the wood opened up into a wonderful glade, full of trees and lavender and very pretty flowers everywhere. This was where the trail ended at the 'perfect place to have a picnic'. The organisers really did find a perfect spot for a picnic. Unfortunately, like everybody else, we already had our picnic next to the airfield so the glade was empty but it was still lovely to just stand and gaze about for a while. I think the beauty was somewhat lost on Anna but she still loved the fact that she could run free and there was nobody telling her to slow down or watch out for a million different obstacles.

By the end of the day, Anna was hugging Bear very tightly and even sang to him on the way home (in her own way)! She kept giving him lots of kisses too (Anna's kisses still resemble someone head-butting someone else but we know what she means!!). Then, just to finish it all off in style, Anna said 'teddy', just as James was getting her out of the car when we arrived home.

After an exhausting, yet gorgeous day, we ended up reading 'We're Going on a Bear Hunt' by Micheal Rosen (for all you teachers out there!!), as the bedtime story, which seemed very similar to our own bear hunt except we didn't get chased by a big bear! The story seemed like the perfect end to our Teddy Bear's picnic!

Anna had a great time and it was wonderful to see so many children carrying their teddies and taking them on an adventure. The teddies looked very happy with themselves too!!

(This photograph of Anna was taken on the morning of the Teddy Bears Picnic)

D's, P's and Q's.

Anna is progressing at such an amazing and remarkable rate at the moment (despite recent health issues).

Anna's understanding has suddenly developed. Yesterday I asked Anna to put her hat on and she went to fetch her hat from the coat stand and put it correctly on her head! I also asked her to put her arms out so I could put her coat on and she did it straight away. She can also put her socks on! Well... she can attempt to put her socks on. What she actually does is balance a sock on the top of each foot and then get frustrated when she walks off and they fall off her feet again. She is also finding it great fun to help me around the house so if I ask Anna to fetch me the mop or dustpan and brush, she gets a big smile on her face and then starts brushing the floor. Her favourite game though is loading and unloading the washing machine. Unfortunately, it isn't always so helpful. Yesterday she dragged the fresh pile of ironed clothes from the washing basket into the washing machine while I was frantically looking for her lost shoe that Anna had helpfully hid inside my welly boot.

Anna is also attempting to copy speech patterns of everything anyone says to her at the moment. As a result, her vocabulary seems to have doubled in the past week. Sometimes, we are not even sure where she gets it from.

If anyone says goodbye to her, she waves her hand very enthusiastically and says 'see you soon'. James and I were puzzled. Where had she heard that? It isn't even a one off. She says it to everybody. It was only when I started paying notice to what James says when he is saying goodbye, that I knew. Without even realising that he does it, James says 'see you soon' to Anna every morning when he goes to work (Anna normally wakes up when he is in the shower at 6.30am each morning). Anna obviously picked up on it a lot sooner than we did so it is now her farewell to everybody.

Anna can also say her numbers and, in the past few days, has started to count. Ever since she was a newborn baby, I have been counting with her. Yet again, it is one of those thing that I don't even realise I am doing sometimes. I used to count out the number of scoops of formula when I made her a bottle of milk. We count when Anna climbs the stairs. We count when Anna is tidying her books away and we even count in the car when we are waiting at traffic lights. However, more recently, we have to count to 10 when she is having her inhaler. Anna thinks that if she counts, it will be over much quicker so does just that. I have to start it off by saying 1 but Anna will then say 2, forgets 3, 4 and 5, Anna says 6, misses out 7 and 8 and then says 9, 10. She has also started counting. Yesterday, she was building a tower and counted each of the 3 bricks as she placed them on the tower.

On Friday, we noticed how she was copying everything we were saying. James was talking about something he had seen on the way to work which was 'huge' and Anna suddenly chirped up 'huge'. I then said that the pesky neighbourhood cat had been around again and Anna said 'cat'. Words beginning with 'D saw the most success. We had 'dog', 'duck', 'dig' and 'dinner'.

It has certainly made me and James think what we are saying now. Yesterday evening, we were watching the news and I was particularly shocked about a certain story and happened to say a swear word beginning with 'sh' (I don't often swear nowadays I hasten to add... 6 years of teaching means that I am very well-practised at erasing all swear words from my head while Anna is awake). A second after I had uttered the swear word, Anna looked at me and said 'shhhhh..oes'. I think Anna deliberately took ages to say the 'sh' sound, just long enough so that James and I could look at each other and start to feel the panic as Anna was about to utter her first swear word. (I would have been very embarrassed and James would never have let me hear the end of it). Thankfully, her obsession with shoes mean that I was saved and Anna has still not let a bad word pass her lips!!! We will be definitely watching our P's and Q's from now on though!

Drowning in Research

I am feeling sick this evening, after doing some more research on asthma and the links to baby swimming.

In my last post, I added some links showing how Belgian research drew links between swimming and asthma in young children. It now appears that Norwegian research findings have been published in the last month which also suggests that baby swimming may be causing the lining of the lungs to be damaged, hence asthma is more likely to develop.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080415111646.htm

What is even more shocking is that the babies most at risk is those under 6 months old. Water Babies always advertised the fact that they took babies from 2 months onwards and that the earlier that children start, the better their opportunity to learn. I started taking Anna at 4 and a half months old.

I feel even more sick when I think that the class actually encourages us to put our babies underwater. The latest research has said that we must do everything to discourage our babies to drink the chlorinated water and yet, I was the one putting Anna underwater. It also says that it is only relevant for babies who have mothers with asthma or other allergies. I don't have asthma or allergies but I do have eczema which is all linked to the same thing. Anna fits all of the criteria for being a baby that was going to be affected by going baby swimming and yet nobody told me any of this.

I didn't know anything about this research and yet the doctors and asthma specialists that we have seen have all said that I must continue to take Anna swimming. They must know about this research taking place and the subsequent findings. I am feeling incredibly angry with myself but also anger towards the doctors for not informing me of this during the past 2 and a half months. Maybe they thought that any damage caused to the lungs had already taken place so they might as well not add to the nightmare. However, I have a right to know about asthma findings, so that I can make an informed decision. I suppose it might be too late now but I need to know.

At the moment, while still trying to comprehend everything that I have read tonight, I am also feeling incredibly angry towards Water Babies. They must be aware of such research, seeing as though they claim to be experts in baby swimming issues. However, they still encourage mothers with babies as young as 8 weeks to start to go swimming and take their baby underwater. I am probably not justified in being angry towards water babies and, once I have calmed down, maybe I won't blame Water babies at all. After all, for the vast majority of babies (such as babies over 6 months old and their mothers who do not have experience of asthma, allergies or eczema), swimming poses no risk whatsoever and learning how to swim at such a young age is an amazing experience and a vital skill to learn. It is just a great pity that no one bothered to check that Anna wasn't going to be at higher risk of developing asthma if exposed to these pools.

Maybe I am wrong and Anna would have developed asthma anyway but it seems very strange that 2 pieces of comprehensive research, one only being done very recently, has now concluded the same thing and even asthma UK has said that the findings are interesting and need further investigation. Even if Anna was always going to be likely to get it, I think the research shows that the swimming certainly hasn't bloody helped keep it away.

Why wasn't this research carried out years ago? Ironically, I thought I was being a responsible and clever mum by teaching my baby how to swim at such a young age. How stupid was I? It is thanks to my stupid decision to take her swimming that Anna is now suffering. I feel very sick at the thought of all this and I have a horrible feeling that this guilt and knot in the pit of my stomach may linger for a very, very long time.

Going Awol

Every single medical person that I have spoken to, since Anna's Asthma nightmare began, has suggested that I MUST continue to go the clubs and classes. I think they feel that it will help to build her immune system in the long term and that I should not allow the asthma to affect our quality of life. HOWEVER, it is very easy for them to say that but they are not the ones who sit up all night watching my baby girl breathing, seemingly waiting until it gets to the point when she can no longer breathe properly and we are then allowed to take her to seek medical help!

It has only been a week of not going to the clubs and already Anna and I are going slightly round the twist. Ironically, when I chose to give up work (which I was very very fortunate that I could do), the thought of baby groups and classes filled me with dread and I couldn't think of anything worse. Nowadays, I am filled with dread thinking that I can't go! I was even doing our shop in Sainsbury's yesterday when I saw the swim nappies on the shelf and started to cry. I miss it so much and it makes it even worse when I think that Anna is missing out. I suppose it is guilt. It doesn't help that Anna's swim teacher was on the TV last night (she also appeared in the Daily mail last week). One of her pupils (in a different class to Anna), a 2 year old girl, accidentally wandered into the family pool while her mum was in another room. Thankfully, because Lindsay had taught her how to swim to the surface, swim to the side and hold on, she was able to stay afloat until her mum realised what had happened. What if Anna forgets how to do that if I don't go to the lessons.

I think Anna is missing her groups too. There are only so many hours that she can take of her Mummy after all! I suppose it doesn't help when I am thinking of all the money being lost. These baby groups ask for money at the beginning of term (so to know whether it is worth running the class in the first place) and, without doctors approval that I should give them up, there is no way of getting my money back. I realise that this is a far less important reason about why I should be gutted about not going to the classes but is still makes me rather p'ed off.

Instead, Anna and I are going on long walks whilst avoiding main roads (air pollutions are not good for asthma sufferers). The problem is that, despite living next to a greenway route and several large parks, there are only so many times that you can do the same walk without being able to start recognising every individual tree. Anna and I have even tried to make it more exciting by giving the tree a name such as Teresa or Terry but that starts to lose it's fun element quite quickly!

Obviously missing the clubs would be more than worth it if it helped Anna to recover and not suffer any more attacks but I'm not even sure it will (as doctors keep reminding me)

Anna has started to have a cough and dry sneeze again and I am petrified that it is gearing up for another attack. Therefore we went to see the GP yesterday and basically demanded a 2^Nd opinion. I still think Chester NHS are great but thought that someone else might be able to do more tests to determine the cause of all this, rather than just trying to guess. We are concerned that this is following a very regular pattern where Anna is getting a cold on Monday, cough on Wednesday and, by Friday night, is ending up in hospital with acute asthma symptoms. She then takes a week to recover before it starts all over again on the following Monday again. This has been going on for more than 8 weeks now (resulting in 4 occasions of being admitted into hospital). The pattern just seems far too predictable and regular. I am so used to the pattern that I can predict what will happen on an hour to hour basis.

At first, the GP seemed to suggest that it was just asthma and there wasn’t anything that could be done. However, he then did admit that the pattern did indeed seem strange and that he would refer us. (We are very very lucky that James' company provide Anna with private health care... probably as consolation for making her Daddy be on-call for 24 hours a day, every day) We have later found out today that NO private hospital in the area will take children under 3. Apparently, the NHS is rather good at seeing children quickly so private hospitals don’t seem too keen. They also think it is not worth the extra thousands of pounds in insurance fees to take children under 3 so we are back to square 1.

However, I have spent virtually every evening recently doing background research and am now armed with some facts and figures to annoy the NHS medical team with, which they hate more than anything. I always get asked if I was medically trained, just so that they can prove a point that they are far more superior than me, and then they tell me to shut up, albeit in a polite way! Basically, I have found out that 85% of children with asthma are allergic to house dust mites so that is probably why they have told me that is why Anna is probably allergic to, which is the cause of the asthma. (Please remember that there are millions of house dust mites living in sofas and mattresses and curtains, in even the cleanest of homes... my house is clean... honest!) However, the allergy UK and British Allergy Foundation websites as well as other medical research all suggest that this should be proved or disproved with some allergy tests, which we have not been offered (You can prove if Anna is allergic to house dust mites by doing the tests). You also have to bear in mind that 15% of children are allergic to other things which cause asthma such as food products. Anna’s pattern would suggest that this may be the case. Therefore, I think I am going to insist on some tests being carried out to prove what she may/may not be allergic to, hence what the trigger is for these attacks.

I also mentioned to the doctor about Anna's classes and that I have made the decision not to attend them for a while. He, like every other medical person that I have spoken to since this all started, shot me down in flames and said that he 'strongly disagreed' with my decision and that I should continue to take her. However, he is not the one who has to deal with her gasping for breath so it is easier said than done for him. I just want to protect her from the viruses which are also a trigger for her asthma attacks.

Interestingly, while doing my research, I typed in asthma and baby into the UK search engine and the following articles appeared on the first page (so I didn’t have to search for it very far)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1431400/Swimming-pool-vapours-linked-to-child-asthma.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1508249/Baby-pools-may-increase-asthma-danger.html

I know that it says that babies who are more prone to asthma were the only ones likely to be affected by the swimming but it suggests that swimming obviously doesn’t help sufferers like Anna. The other interesting thing is that we changed our swimming venue in February, which is when this asthma nightmare kicked off. Could there be a link between the swimming pool and her asthma? If this article has any truth in it, it looks like I may have to stay away. However, I am also more than willing to be proved wrong and, if Anna gets ill again and we haven't been swimming, I can obviously dismiss it and continue to go swimming again. It is so sad to think that Anna may have to miss out on one of her favourite things and I even have tears in my eyes typing this but, obviously, her health is more important and it may help her so that she can continue to enjoy other things.

Maybe I am just desperately trying to find some explanation as to why this has happened and maybe there isn't an answer. I am fed up of reading articles about how mothers shouldn't eat nuts during pregnancy, feed their baby nuts, keep pets or expose their baby to smokers, as this all increases the risk of asthma in children. I keep shouting at the various books and articles that I have never done any of that but it still hasn't stopped my baby getting ill.

Meanwhile, I am still in a muddle about the classes. I am starting to think that I may attend one or two a week (Playgroup and Jo Jingles). That is still half of what I used to do and it may just stop me and Anna from talking to trees! On second thoughts... maybe it won't but it would definitely give us more things to talk to the trees about!

Hospital Watch

Another weekend. Another stay in hospital.

It was the same old story. 2 days of cold, followed by 2 days of cough, resulting in shortness of breath and wheezing on Friday night. When the cold started to set in, I was ensuring that her inhaler was full and that she was getting her dosage every 4 hours. I even increased the dose to try and fight off the impending feeling of doom as it travelled to the chest. It appears that nothing is preventing it from going to the chest at the moment. The nurse on A and E told me that some children will need extra help in hospital and that is just how it is. It is not just extra help though. A and E gave her extra help and it wasn't enough so Anna was admitted again for the duration of the weekend.

They talk as though it is an everyday occurrence and no big deal. It happens to some children. Deal with it. So what if you have had to bring your child into hospital 3 times in the past 5 weeks?

I DON'T want to deal with it! I want my darling daughter healthy and well and enjoying the sunshine each weekend. I want to take her to the park and to the seaside on a Saturday, NOT stuck in the waiting room of A and E as every local scally walks in with a bad hangover from the night before. I am fed up of people telling me that this is how it is from now and I have to get used to the uncertainty.

It is not happening. Instead, we spend our week fighting as hard as we can to stop the blasted cold from going to the chest and we spend every weekend in a ward staring outside at the blue skies, unable to go outside due to the endless monitors that are attached to Anna.

I long for weekends where we walk to the park or go sight-seeing to some empty field somewhere. Even those rare weekends which we don't spend in hospital, is spent trying to fight the cold that is rearing it's ugly head, waiting to attack her lungs.

It is no consolation that they tell me that we are doing everything that we can and how well we are following the asthma action plan. It is not enough to stop Anna from having to go into hospital for the millionth time. We keep asking and asking and asking if there is anything else we can do to stop this. Is there any other allergy prevention product we can buy? Is there any other medicine that we can give her? Is there anything we can do? The answer is always the same. It appears that we are doing everything we can and it is still not enough.

Maybe the time has come to have to stop the clubs and classes. It is OK to say that we shouldn't stop them because Anna needs to get out and about but it is no good if she can't get out and about because she is spending her whole time going back and forth to hospital.

The only nice thing about this weekend is the fact that Anna continues to wow everyone. The doctors tell me that Anna has a certain 'something', which makes her a very special little girl. The nurses said that Anna has made their weekend fly by and that she will be very missed when she went home. It is amazing how much she notices and learns. One of the nurses had left the temperature monitor on the table. This bit of machinery is where you put the temperature monitor into a dispenser which places a cover over the probe and you then put it in the patients ear. Anna took one look, grabbed the monitor, put it in the dispenser to get a cover and then started putting it in her ear to take her temperature, while making the beeping noise at the same time. The doctor then gave her his stethoscope which she put in her ears and placed the metal plate on her chest to listen to her heartbeat. Her training to become a nurse/doctor has started early. She then went round the doctors giving them all high-fives and shaking their hand (without any prompting!) before escaping to the teenagers ward where she entertained everyone with her dance moves (twirling on the spot and then bouncing up and down in time to the music). I don't think she stopped 'chatting' all weekend (baby babble mostly with a few words such as hello, thank you, bye bye, look and a lot of waving), once the drugs had started to work on Saturday evening. James thinks that Anna must follow her Grandad Tom who, when in hospital, insisted on going to shake everyone's hand on the ward and introducing himself. Anna has inherited the same social skills, which is lovely. The nurses, and even the senior consultant, all told me that she is gorgeous, wonderful and her smile is beautiful and that we have a very special and clever girl. It is lovely of them to say that. The problem is that I want to show the rest of the world how wonderful Anna is and, at the moment, we are not getting to see or do anything!

Maybe I should just rename this blog, 'Hospital Watch' as the only thing I ever seem to write about is our trips to hospital. The problem is that there is NOTHING else that I can write about at the moment. Our lives consist of a week of colds and coughs, followed by the weekend spent in Ward 30 of the Countess of Chester Hospital. Life is not fair sometimes!

Losing Control

Where do I start?

Anna has been in hospital again last weekend, for the third time in less than 2 months. Unfortunately, this episode has been the worst by far and I have never been so frightened in my life (Not even the severest of panic attacks made me as scared as Friday night).

Basically, the week followed exactly the same pattern as the previous 2 occasions. Monday and Tuesday saw a dreadful cold followed by 2 days of coughing. Friday was a good day but, by then and unbeknown to us, the virus had gone to the chest and was starting to constrict the airways. It follows the same pattern every time so, by Wednesday, I had a horrible feeling that we would end up back in hospital. However, no matter how much you try telling the doctors, they don't want to know unless you are displaying the actual symptoms of asthma so they send you home again with a feeling that you are wasting their time.

Friday night saw us putting Anna to bed as normal. However, I was conscious that the virus might be lingering so I lay in bed in the next room, just to make sure. At 9.45pm, Anna let out a little yelp and I went in to see Anna wriggling around her cot as though something had bitten her and crying in a most unusual way. I picked her up and lay her on our bed but it soon became apparent that all was not well. She was desperately trying to find a position to be comfortable and she began drawing her chest in and using her tummy muscles to breathe in. However, at this point, it was not as bad as I had seen previously so we gave her the inhaler but still phoned the doctor, to be on the safe side. The out-of-hours GP advised us to go and see him. Apparently, they don't do home visits for us city folk (unless we can't get there) so we had to head for a clinic in the town centre. Having never needed an out of hours GP before, we quickly tried to memorise the directions and got on our way. By the time that we had got onto the main road into Chester, it was apparent that our baby was deteriorating fast. By this time, she was getting very distressed. She couldn't get enough air in to breathe properly and, as a result, was panicking, which just made the situation worse. It is very hard to explain to a 17 month old baby that she needs to calm down and try to conserve energy.

Unfortunately, the clinic is on a busy dual carriageway which skirts along the main high street. The out-of-hours receptionist had told us that it was at the high street end of the carriage way so we headed for that point, only to find it wasn't there. By this tine, we had entered a one way street so we had no choice but to carry on through it. Anna was deteriorating at a staggering rate and her breathing had become something which I can only describe as something you would hear in a horror film, as she gasped for air. Both James and I thought she was about to pass out so I screamed at James to stop the car and I bolted out, grabbing Anna and racing through Chester town centre. Unfortunately for James, he had screeched to a halt in the middle of the road which leads through Chester's town centre. At first, he didn't care and ran behind me and Anna but then people were starting to point out that the whole of Chester would come to a standstill if he left it there so he was forced to turn back. He would try and find his own way to the clinic by car. (I didn't know any of this until the next day. At this point, I had tunnel vision with only one aim, to get to the clinic before Anna became unconscious).

I'm not sure what the clubbers and revellers thought as they saw me and Anna racing towards them, with me screaming for someone to tell me the way to the clinic. Finally I came to a packed bar with some bouncers on the door. I stopped just long enough to ask them which way I should go. They had no idea either but they did grab a taxi driver who could tell me. Basically, he told me how to get there by using lots of back streets and alley ways. He then informed me that there was a problem... that I would have to cross a duel carriageway of 4 lane traffic. I didn't care. I just knew that I would have to get across somehow.

I now had a very limp baby in my arms who was struggling desperately. In the pit of my stomach, I was terrified beyond belief but I didn't have time to acknowledge that. Adrenaline took over and I pushed it to one side and ran faster than I have ever done, down cobbled streets and back alleys in semi-darkness. I wasn't sure where I was going as I couldn't recall any of the taxi driver's instructions (due to my mind racing) but, sub-consciously, my mind must have remembered and I finally ended up at the duel carriageway. As I briefly stopped to take it in, I could hear myself singing to Anna and telling her everything would be OK (again, I did this sub-consciously without even realising it). Maybe I was trying to convince myself as much as Anna. By this time, Anna had calmed down but was obviously still gasping for breath.

Miraculously, the carriageway, that is normally streaming with traffic, was empty with no cars insight, so getting across was fairly straight-forward (The traffic was probably all backed up behind the car that James had deserted in the middle of the road). However, now that I was on the correct side of the carriageway, I wasn't sure where the clinic was. Should I go left or right? Thankfully, I saw a blue sign in the distance. I didn't have a clue whether it was the clinic but I had the image pop into my head, of the NHS logo which happened to be blue. I also noticed that there was a hotel next to this blue sign and I decided that, if it turned out not to be the sign for the clinic, I would run into the hotel and ask for them to phone for an ambulance. Thankfully, my instinct was right and the blue sign did indicate the clinic.

When I arrived, the door was locked so I screamed for someone to help me and they came to open the door. I then waited at the receptionist desk while the receptionist chatted on the phone. Now normally, I am very polite but not tonight. "Will someone please help me, my daughter can't breathe'. I yelled, to which another receptionist appeared from under a desk (!!) and showed me straight to the doctor. It took all of 5 seconds for him to say 'Hospital now'. He then asked whether I had someone to take me quickly or whether I would need an ambulance. At this point, I remembered that I had left James lost in the middle of Chester after I had dived out of the car.
Thankfully, just as the doctor was phoning the hospital to tell them that we were coming, he turned up (after the same taxi driver had showed him where to go when using a car) and we sped to the hospital.

As we arrived at the hospital, I dived out of the car again with Anna and she threw up all over me. I later found out that there was very little air getting into her lungs at this point so her body was trying to expel anything it had, in an attempt to get oxygen. I ran into Ward 30 covered in sick and the nurse told me to lie her on the bed before leaving to get some water to clean up the sick. 'Anna needs a doctor, not clean hair' James said. I later found out that this nurse was useless (I hasten to add that every other nurse, doctor and nursing assistant in the hospital is amazing and brilliant). However, she then informed us that she had alerted the doctor but was just trying to get her observations done before the doctor came but she wanted to clean up the sick before she started to look at her. Aghhhhhh! Thankfully, the doctor arrived very quickly and, once she had quickly established that Anna was in trouble, immediately put an oxygen mask on her and went to get the registrar. Within 10 minutes, Anna was hooked up to monitors, had an oxygen mask and drugs being administered. At this point, she was heading for the high dependency unit and I knew things were serious when they said that there would have to be a medical trained person in the room at all times. Her breathing was 60 breaths per minute (it should be no more than 20) and there wasn't even any wheezing because it had gone beyond that stage by now. Wheezing is when the airways are blocked so the air that is getting through only has a little room and therefore makes a whistling noise as it passes through. There was so little room in Anna's airways that the air couldn't get through so the wheezing wasn't even happening.

For the next 2 hours, Anna was given drugs via an oxygen mask and monitored with screens bleeping every so often. Thankfully, it then became under control and, at 1.30am, Anna was stable enough to be moved to a normal ward. She still had to wear the oxygen mask all the time as her oxygen levels were dramatically low but she was out of immediate danger.

It was then time to start demanding answers. We had been in hospital 3 times in the past 2 months and this was out of control. There was no way that I was going to let Anna suffer like this and I would refuse to leave the hospital until my little girl was better.

After lots of tears and frustration, the consultants sat us down and explained what was going on. Basically, Anna suffers from Asthma which is looking quite severe at the moment. The main trigger for her asthma is cold viruses which is then travelling to her chest. In both adults and babies, cold viruses are not normally harmful but, with asthmatics, they become more worrying as asthma suffers are susceptible to the virus going to the chest and blocking the airways. For babies, it can be quite common because their airways are so small that it can easily become blocked, which is called Bronchialitus. However, now that Anna has been in 3 times, with severe symptoms on 2 of those 3 occasions, it is now time for more action to be taken. Although NHS guidelines still dictate that we are not allowed to label Anna as an asthmatic, that is how she is now being treated by medical staff. She has been given another inhaler which she must take every day, regardless of symptoms which may or may not appear. This inhaler will hopefully prevent most viruses to stick to the airways but unfortunately, it takes up to 8 weeks to get into the system so they did warn us that we may be back in hospital before then. She is also going to be reviewed every 2 months.

The community nurse told me that Anna is at the beginning of a long road and this may take several attempts before we get it under control but we have started on the right track and we will get there. Meanwhile, we have an agonising wait to see what happens next. The problem is that there are a millions of viruses out there and Anna is picking them up with alarming frequency at the moment. This could be because her immune system is low after a dreadful 2 months so she is picking them up easily and they are going to the chest, which is then causing the breathing difficulties, making her immune system even lower. It is a vicious circle. What we need is several weeks of Anna being clear of any virus and her lungs will then be given a chance to recover properly. It is a terrifying time for us at the moment.

Even as I write this, I feel like I should be sat in her bedroom, counting her breaths per minute and watching her as she sleeps. However, unless I do that 24 hours a day, it is not going to help and, even if I did do that, there would be no stopping Anna from catching a virus. We asked the consultant again whether Anna should be going to the clubs and classes and whether we should stop going. Her answer was a very firm yes, that we should still be going. As she said, there are viruses everywhere and she could just as easily catch one from waiting at the till in Tesco. The consultant also pointed out that if she didn't get exposed to them now, she would get exposed to them at school and that may mean going through the nightmare while Anna is in her first year at school, which would be very unsettling for her.

There is some preventative action I can take now. I must not dust or hoover while Anna is around and all aerosols are banned. I must always have windows open in the house and keep the house as cold as possible. Central heating is to be turned off unless the house temperature falls below 16 degrees. Anna must not be allowed any cuddly toys in her cot and any soft toys that she plays with must be washed daily, frozen in the freezer and then defrosted (to kill any dust mites, who can't survive in sub-zero temperatures)

So we wait and see what happens now. We hope that the other inhaler starts to work quickly and that Anna can be free of these viruses, just long enough to clear her lungs for a while. The summer may also help as the weather will become nicer and the viruses may not be around so much. The problem is that we live with uncertainty and the doctors have told us that this just has to become normal for us now. In a previous post, I said that we will just have to pick ourselves up after each episode, dust ourselves down and get on with life. The problem is that it gets more and more difficult to do that with each episode that passes as you start to get more tired and it is difficult knowing that you pick yourself up, only to wait for the next knock down (when the asthma strikes). However, for Anna's sake, we will keep getting up and going to the clubs and classes (which Anna loves more and more as she gets older). Please bring on the sunshine again.... soon!