As this blog has featured no events in our life since last September, you would be forgiven for thinking that nothing very exciting has occurred, hence no posts.
If you don't count being hospitalised twice, having a baby (which involved giving birth to a 10lb baby who was back-to-back, whilst I was on a drip to speed up induction so contractions hit me like running at full speed into a brick wall, going from 3cm dilated to 10cm in a matter of minutes with no pain relief and no stitches), Anna turning 5 years old and becoming a big sister and adjusting to life with two gorgeous daughters(double the children but so much more than double the work!), I suppose I haven't been up to a great deal!
I realise that I should have blogged about the whole pregnancy lark as some type of memento to the 9 months that I endured but being in denial about it and just trying to fool everyone into thinking that I had eaten too many cakes (easy to do when you are me!) meant that blogging was the last thing I felt like doing. In fact, for the entire duration of the 9 months, I only once referred to myself as being 'pregnant' as I refused to say the word. Even when I was forced to discuss it with people, I referred to myself as being in a 'condition'. Doctors and midwives found it intriguing and just shook their head at me in a bemused way!
In 2010, I suffered a miscarriage. I was only 6 weeks so I know women go through a lot worse than me with a miscarriage but it was a truly dreadful time. Nobody was told except parents and one group of close friends as I couldn't keep making stupid excuses as to why we couldn't meet up that week). I thought I had got over it and resolved it in my own head by saying 'It was only 6 weeks, only a size of a sesame seed etc'. However, after giving myself what I thought was plenty of time and then finding myself pregnant again (I can say the word now!,)I refused to allow myself believe that this was actually happening to me for fear of it happening again. I wouldn't allow myself to get my hopes up and then so cruelly have them taken away so I even told myself that my ever expanding tummy was eating too much chocolate and cake. At each scan, I told myself that the monitor was just showing somebody else's growing baby and not mine. We told nobody (apart from my mum and dad but that was only because they took Anna on holiday and we tagged along. I was so convinced that something awful would happen on holiday that I 'warned' them that I might be having to go to hospital whilst in Cornwall if a miscarriage happened again) and only announced the news to close family and friends at 20 weeks.
Soon after 20 weeks, the mum's in the playground started to look me up and down suspiciously but they did not say anything in case I really had lost the plot and had just started eating 20 cream cakes a day (which is not beyond belief with me)! When I finally did decide to announce it, I told three friends (Yes, I can actually call some of the playground mum's a friend now. Wonders will never cease!) and then positioned ourselves right next to the renowned 'gossip' of the playground (I secretly nickname her 'gobby') and, as predicted, by the time I picked Anna up that afternoon, everyone was congratulating me. One mum actually let out a huge sigh of relief when she got told and said 'Oh, I am so relieved. I have kept wanting to congratulate you and felt guilty for not doing it but then kept worrying that you had hit a mid-life crisis and just started eating too much chocolate'.
Even when my bump was of epic proportions and wildlife experts were making plans to return the 'beached whale' of Tattenhall back to the sea, I still would not allow myself to believe. No clothes for baby number 2 were bought until 37 weeks, no nursery equipment had been assembled, no baby books had been read. It was the complete opposite of Anna, where the nursery was all ready for her arrival by 30 weeks, she had a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes and every baby book on the planet had been read in anticipation!
Due to the complete denial, the last thing I felt like doing was writing a blog, let alone do essential stuff like buying nappies. My worst fear would have been to write all about it and then have to turn round and announce it was all over. In fact, my whole life was put on hold. My aim each day was to get Anna to school and back and spend daytimes on my own doing anything but think about pregnancy (it mainly consisted of playing tetris on my phone and planning an extravagant 5th birthday party. Details to follow in a separate blog post!!!)
Thankfully, all went well, excluding the 3 unexplained bleeds during the 9 months, the severe food poisoning which lead to being hospitalised due to severe dehydration, the 'show' at 36 weeks and the medication for high blood pressure. However, none of that matters because baby number 2 is here and, as I write this, is cooing as Anna talks at her about football club!
I plan to start a new blog soon, with tales of life with two daughters including the arrival of Anna's little sister, but this blog deserves a good send off so I want to write about Anna's 5th birthday which I hope will round it all off nicely. It is time to move on!
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