That Sunday Night Feeling

When I was at Primary School, I always used to have 'that' Sunday night feeling. As soon as the 'Ballykissangel' TV theme tune came on, I would get a huge sinking feeling in my tummy and know that it would be quickly followed by my mum saying it was 'time to go to bed ready for school tomorrow'. (Thankfully, I adored High school so never experienced it then and I secretly liked teaching too so never got it much then either.. apart from when Ofsted was in!!)

Tonight, I have that Sunday night feeling again!

Tomorrow morning, at 9am, Anna and I have an appointment with our Health Visitor to carry out Anna's 2 year review.

Now, normally, I wouldn't worry about it but recent events have made me more nervous than you can ever believe.


On Thursday night, Anna was walking to the bathroom and suddenly remembered that she had left Kipper in her bedroom so ran back to get him. Unfortunately, I had left the changing mat out (having just got her undressed for the bath!) and she tripped, going head-first into the solid brick wall.

It soon became apparent that it hurt. Firstly, Anna cried quite a lot which she never normally does when falling over. In fact, she is normally a tough cookie, says 'Oh Dear. Up you get and dust down' (copying me!!) and stands up and runs off again. The other indication that it smarted a little was the fact that a lump which was the size of an egg came up on her forehead followed by a very big black bruise spreading over the right side of her face.

Anna calmed down much quicker than I did and before long she was happily playing in the bath with her toy ducks while I sobbed in the corner. I even turned round to James and said 'You watch, the bloody health visitor will tell me I have an appointment tomorrow'!!!

It is called Sods' law because lo and behold, on the mat the following morning, was a letter from our delightful health visitor requesting to see Anna at 9am this Monday - 3 days away! There was no way that Anna's bruise would have gone by then. In fact, at the moment, it has turned a yellowish, grey, green colour which almost looks worse than the black!

Just to add to the injury, despite dancing every single day without any falling over, Anna fell over on Friday afternoon and landed on her wooden toy cot resulting in a cut and bruise above her eye, on the opposite side of the face than the huge bruise she got when hitting the wall. At this point, I became hysterical and phoned James at work to tell him that life wasn't fair. Anna has gone all year blemish-free and then decides to cover herself in bruises 2 days before our meeting with Mrs Doom and Mrs Gloom (My Health Visitor likes to work in pairs with her partner in crime!). In fact, if they had actually been organised and called Anna for her review when she turned 2, it would have all been fine!

By Saturday, I was holding Anna's hand while walking round the house, just to make sure she didn't bump into everything else. Therefore, to stop me having a complete nervous breakdown, James decided to take Anna to a soft play centre, thinking no harm could be done. I have no idea how but Anna came back with bruises up her one leg (We think it was done when someone drove a toy tractor into her leg!) .

Last night, I even woke up in a cold sweat, fearing what the health visitor would say to me. I imagined having to sit in a sparse room with one table and one chair while they leaned over me, banging their fists on the table and telling me they didn't believe me when I told of the incredibly bad luck with Anna becoming clumsy in the last 3 days!

So I sit here now, silently panicking and dreading tomorrow. I thought writing this blog may actually help but I'm not so sure now!

It is not just the bruises. It is the fact that it feels like Anna is being 'tested' and I don't like it!! I don't need any checklist to show me where Anna is on the developmental scale. I have even heard horror stories about little 2 year old's being sat down and shown flashcards and the health visitor ticking or crossing little boxes depending on how many they get right before giving you a result sheet with a score and 'developmental age' dependent on the results.

Don't get me wrong, I do actually think that Anna is spot on for her development and even, dare I say, a little advanced in her speech possibly. However, I just know for a fact that Anna will decide that tomorrow morning will be the first day in her life where she decides to not say a word, become shy and introvert and decide to look like she knows nothing about what is going on. The exact opposite of how she normally is! I couldn't blame her - she will probably pick up on my stress!

It also won't be any good by me saying 'Anna knows her colours, shapes, letters and numbers. She talks in sentences, can spell her name and recognise certain words'. They will just give me one of those sympathetic looks while thinking 'Yes, that is what they all say. All mum's think their child is advanced and just kid themselves'. I will then protest and say 'But she really can do those things' and they just won't believe me!!! Oh Dear!

So that is why I have 'that' Sunday night feeling. Tomorrow morning, I will probably wake up and wish really hard that it isn't Monday morning before opening my eyes and having that sinking feeling as I look at the clock and realise it is time to get up and face the world (or the health visitors from hell in this case!!). I just hope that I make it in one piece and, like those returns from school on a Monday night, I can walk back through the front door, drop my bag in the hallway as I walk past and head straight for the fridge for a deserved treat (Anna can even have an organic oat biscuit too!!)